Stream of Consciousness. RIP Walter Scott

Today I had one of those days at work where you want to go home as soon as you clock in. All day was just the worst mood. One of those days where you find your thought process taking you down a path of “What am I really doing here? Not just at work, but here?”

It’s a dream of mine to spread Unapollogetic Blackness with the power of my pen and all day I was questioning this path. And then I started seeing Walter Scott’s name in tweets as I scrolled through my timeline. And I was reminded of how this blog got started in the first place.

My stomach turned and the most horrifying part about it was I knew why I was seeing this name repeatedly without having to read anything or watch any videos.

Another unarmed Black man was murdered by a police officer and the swift judgement of his PD resulted in charging the officer with murder. A small victory, but for what? Will he be convicted? Who knows. Do I care? Honestly, no.

I considered going on Twitter to rant about my exhaustion with these instances. But for what? I considered Googling and reading all the stories I could about this instance. But for what? What are we doing that is working? This felt like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back.

After the non-indictment of Darren Wilson…it’s like I don’t even have the words, I’ve run out.

I can’t care if dude actually is sentenced and actually serves time because within the last 6 months I’ve seen enough non-indictments to know better than to get my hopes up.

More importantly, a family lost their father/son/brother and research has shown more than once the implications of this on Black families. One more Black man and his family have entered a realm of statistics our Country has no intention on trying to change.

If it weren’t for Walter Scott I wouldn’t have written today. This statement tastes more bitter than sweet. I got comfortable with the quiet, a quiet that implied we could rest even if it was just for a day. An eerie quiet.

Walter Scott. That man’s name is now added to a list. A list that also features Oscar, Trayvon, Mike, Eric… A list that many of us know goes on and on with names that haven’t been written about.

A list of unexpected sacrifices. A list that is serving as the foundation for this Civil Rights War. This is not just a movement anymore.

They have guns, we have our power to be Unapologetically Black. I will run that ideology into the ground until it is universally understood that we don’t have to slick our curls back for a job or change our mannerisms to make Them feel less threatened.

Another unarmed Black man was killed by a police officer. I thought I was tired, but as I’ve worked through this I’m realizing this feeling of exhaustion is due to fear and tension. No matter how Unapologetically Black and Beautiful we are, there is no protective shield that comes with it.

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