I get new ideas everyday. The light bulb goes on above my head at least 3 times a day, I’m surprised it hasn’t burned out yet. I worry it will never burn out. There are definite pros and cons to this. I love that I’m a thinker, I love learning and getting new ideas/projects. My lifestyle doesn’t allow for all the time I would need though, which is frustrating. It doesn’t even bother me that there are people that don’t think I can accomplish everything that I want to. Doesn’t bother me one bit, it’s laughable really and motivating. Once I speak an idea into existence I have to be held accountable. I would hate to hear “Remember when you said you wanted to do […]? What happened to that?” My motto, or at least my belief, is that you should always at least try something or start something and then decide how far you want to take it. That eliminates having to ask yourself the big “what ifs” later on in life. What scares me is running out of time.
Im young yes, I realize that, but I still feel like I won’t have all the time to carry out the ideas and projects I want to go for. For me to die peacefully, I will have to be an empty receptacle. I can’t die with any new ideas on my mind, that would drive me crazy and I wish I could explain why that scares me. It’s partly selfish because a lot of these ideas are mine and making them tangible is something I just feel obligated to do. Nobody likes their ideas to be stolen or used without consent, that’s normal. I can’t help but wonder what life would be like without my daughter. I love her and wouldn’t change my circumstances but she really was a life-changing being once she arrived. Right as I was getting ready to finish college, when in my original plan I had thoughts of travelling overseas and really opening my mind. Ultimately I became a little spiritual, accepting that the universe had a greater plan for me than I had for myself. I feel that now, and I believe it. It pushes me. I wouldn’t have all the ideas I have if it wasn’t for a reason. I have to act without fear of lost time.
As much as this was a free write, it was a pep talk I didn’t know I needed. When you want something you have to go after it. That feeling is what makes us human, that is what defines if we are truly alive. Even if you’re current circumstances are not ideal for you to obtain whatever it is you want, there are always baby steps to get you to the right time and place to chase your dreams. I can’t be afraid anymore of losing time. The more I sit and just think about it is really just putting me behind on my goals. This year I’m going to be fearless. Can’t worry about looking or feeling silly about an idea or something I care about. I define my creativity and nobody else is going to make these things tangible for me. If I run out of time, then oh well, I’ll know I’ve tried. Plus I’ve got journals and notebooks full of ideas my daughter can have just in case she wants to explore her creativity as well.